To Be Surrounded By Fools
by AJ Rayne
Summary: A series of oneshots about Tamaki's and Kyoya's friendship as Tamaki navigates married life with Haruhi. In no particular order.
1. To Be Surrounded By Fools

_Author's Note: いっらしゃいませ. _And here you will find a mish-mash of one-shots, mainly from Kyoya's perspective, about Tamaki and Haruhi's relationship. They are connected and belong in the same Ouran universe of my imaginings, but follow no order in particular. Enjoy!

* * *

**To Be Surrounded by Fools**

Kyoya arched an eyebrow at the figure crouched in a very familiar position by the windows. He thought Tamaki had gone home right after graduation practice, but he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised to find the Host Club's king sulking in the music room. Despite the atmosphere of excitement and celebration, Tamaki had been downright depressed for the last few weeks. Kyoya was sure that if it had occurred to his friend to do so, Tamaki would have failed all his subjects and exclaimed he would retake them all to succeed rightfully, to take back his family's honor...and to spend one more year with his precious 'daughter'.

It was all very ridiculous and dramatic, and Kyoya wouldn't have expected less from him.

However, as Kyoya neared the windows, he realized that he was sorely mistaken. Absently, he made a mental note to visit his optometrist to get his eyes checked as he picked up the notebook he'd forgotten. He flipped open to an empty page and surveyed it carefully, needing to give himself a moment to recover from his surprise.

"Haruhi," he said evenly, looking at her from over the top of his notebook. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be studying for exams?"

Haruhi turned narrowed eyes at him. Inwardly, he cringed, recognizing that she was in one of her signature bad moods, usually reserved for the days when the twins were causing trouble for no reason or when Tamaki was being especially stifling. Outwardly, he smiled blandly.

"I hope you do well so that you can secure your placement for next year," he continued condescendingly. "It'd be a shame for you to lose your scholarship with only one more year left."

"I only have one more exam left and I'm ready for it already," she mumbled irritably.

Kyoya stood over her and looked out at the view outside the window. On the grounds below, he saw rows of white chairs and a few third year students still milling about. In two days, he would be standing on the stage beyond, receiving the graduation letter from the principal on behalf of his fellow students. He'd practiced doing that twice already, and was fairly certain he had it down. He could ask Haruhi her opinion on the matter because she had a pretty good view of it all. If only he didn't suspect that she would throw him through the window if he dared.

"Alright," he said, tucking his notebook under his arm. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

He started to go.

"Kyoya-senpai," she said quietly. "Will you and Tamaki-senpai really come back and visit?"

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Kyoya studied her downcast eyes and decidedly morose expression. Now _this_ was an interesting predicament. Until today, Haruhi had shown a nearly cold-hearted indifference at their impending graduation that distracted Tamaki to no end as he bemoaned her lack of feminine emotion. Naturally, Kyoya had suspected more complicated feelings underneath her facade but Tamaki was too much of an idiot to even consider that; he blamed all of Haruhi's more stoic traits on the fact that they'd made her dress up like a boy for the past two years.

"I'll probably be too busy studying to visit too often or to make sure the twins haven't burned the room down, but I will try to check in on you from time to time," he answered thoughtfully, one hand on his chin.

"And Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi asked after a beat of silence.

There it was.

Kyoya tilted his head to one side. Perhaps in some aspects, Haruhi was a bigger idiot than Tamaki. At least, Tamaki had managed to redirect his feelings in a more constructive, though more disturbing, fashion. Haruhi was more like a ticking time bomb.

"I imagine he'll flunk right out of school for never attending class since he'll be here all the time," Kyoya answered with a long-suffering sigh.

A tiny smile broke through the darkness on Haruhi's face but didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I doubt that. He'll miss us but he'll find something or someone to hold his interest and then he'll stop being a pest," she said, and added with a half-hearted snort, "We should be so lucky. Besides, you'll be there to make sure he doesn't skip too many classes, right, Kyoya-senpai?"

"Are you so worried that the club will fail without him?" Kyoya baited.

"N-no," Haruhi stuttered, frowning as confusion set in. "Well, maybe. I don't know..."

He wanted to roll his eyes at her, but he'd had good practice curbing that particular urge.

"Tamaki's not the kind of person who would abandon his friends, regardless of how busy or distracted he becomes," Kyoya explained matter-of-factly.

"I suppose," Haruhi sulked.

"I would have thought you'd be happy to have his attention drawn elsewhere. Why are you so bothered about his leaving?"

Haruhi buried her face deeper into her folded arms so that all he could see was the almost overwhelming confusion in her big dark eyes.

"Without him here, Hikaru and Kaoru will need someone new to tease and it'll probably be me," she answered, her voice coming out muffled.

"Haruhi," Kyoya said soothingly. "They already do that, so you don't have to worry about that happening."

She shot him a look that would made any of the others run off in fear, but Kyoya had suffered worse under more terrifying people.

"I suppose," she conceded darkly.

"Then, I wonder what the problem really is," he said, moving so that he could crouch in front of her and she would be unable to avoid his direct gaze.

She seemed to shrink away from him and despite himself, Kyoya felt sorry for her. As much as they all enjoyed being in the club, it might not have been wise to allow Haruhi to continue her masquerade as a boy. She'd already been emotionally stunted coming into it, and having to fend off the amorous advances of the twins and Tamaki on a daily basis probably didn't help matters. She didn't know the first thing about romance despite being a host and he doubted her father ever explained matters of the heart to her...especially judging by the way he treated Tamaki. And Kyoya certainly wasn't going to step into the daddy role. It had already been decided that he was mommy.

Yet...

"What do you think, Haruhi?" he prodded, arching an eyebrow at her. "Why are you curled up here like him at the thought of being without..."

Haruhi's phone began to ring and she pulled it out of her pocket. Her eyes brightened when she saw who was calling and Kyoya watched her as he sat back, smiling crookedly.

"It's Tamaki," she said, and without excusing herself, she flipped her phone open. "Hello, Senpai."

Kyoya stood and straightened his blazer. Haruhi looked up at him, something unreadable in her expression.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kyoya-senpai," she said, confusion still swimming in her beautiful eyes.

"See you tomorrow, Haruhi."

At the door, Kyoya heard her retort rather rudely to something Tamaki was asking her to do, and he smiled to himself. They were both deluding themselves if they thought they could continue on the way they were without moving closer to their relationship's natural conclusion. It had been amusing to watch them circle each other like fat, lazy koi, but he was beginning to wonder if it wasn't time to do something about it.

Pushing his glasses up, Kyoya's smile widened. He knew exactly how he could make it more interesting.

----


	2. Who's Mommy Now?

**Who's Mommy Now?**

Assistants, lawyers, and various other employees scurried around Kyoya with phones pressed to their ears or clipboards and files in their hands. Their voices had that frantic quality that told the Vice-President of Otori Medical Corporation that they were doing their jobs. When they were too quiet and too calm, he knew they weren't doing as he'd instructed, because rarely did he tell them to do things that involved quiet introspection. That was his job.

In the midst of the chaos, he sat behind his large black marble and glass monstrosity of a desk, a picture of perfect serenity, though behind his glasses, his eyes glittered in the way they did when he was just about to claim victory. The Otori Group was about to become the minority share holders of the largest American hospital group. Kyoya had always liked the United States, but he liked its enormous consumer market even more.

Other people would have been broken by the high-pressure, high-octane lifestyle that he led, but Kyoya thrived in it. He lived and breathed his work. He'd asked for it, after all, and had planned for it since he was fourteen, meticulously and with an eerie foresight that belied his years. Ten years later, he was close to accomplishing what he'd once thought impossible. For all-intents and purposes, he was his father's successor; his brothers had conceded their positions when he'd gifted their father with the controlling shares for their biggest rival on the day of his graduation from university. It was as a sort of thank you to his father for making him push himself that hard, as well as proof that he was more than the position in which he'd been born. It had become apparent to all of them that day that there was no surpassing Kyoya's intelligence or drive, and even more impressive, he wasn't even breaking a sweat.

While his underlings worried about failing and being heartlessly fired by their icy boss, Kyoya allowed himself a tiny, satisfied smile. His life had come together nicely and in precisely the order he wanted it. His only concern was that he would run out of things to do before he was thirty...

"_KYOYA_!"

The smile disappeared and the chatter around him silenced, the movement stopped. There was a palpable tension in the air as everyone in the room turned towards the doorway where a familiar blond head was making its way through the throng to where Kyoya sat. When they recognized their boss' frequent and most annoying visitor, his people went back to work.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kyoya closed his eyes and silently counted out the five seconds it would take for Tamaki to reach him. He heard those light footsteps stop directly in front of his desk and he counted out another three seconds before he opened his eyes.

Tamaki beamed at him. Underneath his charcoal colored coat, he wore a light gray suit and lavender tie ensemble, which meant that Tamaki had to have come straight from work to the glittering tower that housed Kyoya's offices because it was barely past five. Glowering at his oldest friend, Kyoya wondered if Tamaki just had an incredibly talented group of assistants that could help him finish all his work before five or an incredibly abused group of lackeys who did all his work for him so that he could leave before five. It probably wouldn't do to dwell on that too much; the scion of the Suo Group had been lucky in every aspect of his life, so why not in this as well. Either way, he was done hours before the rest of Tokyo.

"Are you busy?" Tamaki asked cheerfully.

"What do you think?" Kyoya retorted.

Tamaki looked around him at the scurrying people as if noticing them for the first time. He turned in place to follow one of Kyoya's lawyers walk from one end of the room to the other, his expression faintly surprised as he glanced back at Kyoya.

"Actually, _they_ look busy. You, as you sit behind your intimidating desk with its impressive backdrop, do not. If anything, you look tired and hungry. Aren't you lucky that I stopped by in the knick of time? Come, Kyoya. Let us dine and discuss our lives because it's been _ages_ since we saw each other last..."

"I'm busy and I saw you last weekend at Haruhi's birthday party," Kyoya interrupted curtly, knowing full well that there was no stopping Tamaki.

"There is an exquisite French restaurant that opened in Ueno that I think we should try. Where's your coat, Kyoya? It's a little bit chilly outside, and I think maybe it might snow. I can see them already: tiny, perfect, splendid snowflakes, and no two are alike. They're a bit like women, aren't they..."

"Tamaki," Kyoya said more sternly. "I'm _busy_."

Just as Kyoya feared, Tamaki made his way around the desk to Kyoya's side. Casually, he leaned a hip against the thick glass desktop, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Now, now, you're _always _busy," Tamaki argued, his blond hair falling across his eyes as he leaned towards Kyoya. "You have to take the time out to spend a little time with the people you love most, Kyoya. Don't you agree, miss?"

He reached out and snatched the closest assistant, pulling the hapless woman towards him. Kyoya couldn't recall her name but recognized her as one of the women from the typing pool, probably just up to pick up some of his notes. She was young, pretty enough, and judging from the blush spreading across her cheeks, under Tamaki's spell already. Smiling in that way that made women do his bidding, Tamaki regarded the young woman warmly.

"It would do Mr. Otori to go out and relax, celebrate this day's victories, am I right, Princess?" Tamaki continued mercilessly. "We're both too young and too vibrant to spend our days in dark offices, growing old and gray under the harsh glare of these indifferent fluorescent lights. We should be outside enjoying the glittering nightlife of Tokyo, taking in the winter scenery of Sapporo, enjoying the delicious cuisine of Osaka. Your soft skin still carries the youthful glow of the innocent, your clear eyes still curious about the life outside these walls, and your earnestness must draw men to you like bees to honey. Tell this man, who is wasting his life chained to his desk, that..."

"Let the woman go before she melts into a useless puddle," Kyoya said mildly, more annoyed with the red-faced girl than pitying as she gurgled helplessly at Tamaki's monologue. "Didn't I ask you to call before you came by, Tamaki? I'm more than happy to go out and have dinner with you if you make an appointment with one of my assistants."

Tamaki let go of the girl's hand but only so he could press his now-free hand against his chest.

"An _appointment_?" he exclaimed. "I'm your best friend and you want me to make an _appointment_?"

Kyoya gritted his teeth to prevent himself from destroying his icy boss reputation in front of his underlings by screaming bloody murder at his idiot friend. Tamaki clearly had something on his mind because this was the first time in a long time that he'd dropped by unexpectedly. Furthermore, Kyoya reminded himself that Tamaki had abided by his appointment rule up until this point; it helped in curbing his urge to reach up and strangle Tamaki with his own necktie.

"Fine," he hissed. "Just give me a half hour to wrap this up. Go into my private office and watch TV or something. I'll come and get you when I'm finished."

"Great," Tamaki said with a wide grin, straightening.

He skipped off to the set of double doors that most people didn't notice and Kyoya turned his head towards a group of female assistants (and a few male assistants), who were wasting time watching Tamaki walk.

"You have half an hour to finish," he said coolly to everyone but narrowing his eyes at them. "I suggest you move faster."

And move faster they did.

Twenty minutes later, Kyoya walked into his private office and wasn't surprised to find Tamaki sitting on the floor rather than the more comfortable black leather couch that was conveniently had a perfect view of the television. He looked up at Kyoya, something heavy in his eyes that made the other man frown, but Kyoya knew better than to ask. Tamaki would talk when it was time to talk.

"Let's go," Kyoya said.

Wordlessly, Tamaki picked up his coat and shrugged it on. Kyoya took his off the coat rack and locked the door behind him. They walked to the elevator, Kyoya acknowledging those who bid him farewell, but he kept an eye on his unusually taciturn companion. Tamaki seemed to be gathering himself up and when he sensed Kyoya's attention on him, he turned to him with a bright smile.

"Let's order a bottle of red wine," he said as they stepped into the elevator. "Something robust and fragrant that'll warm us up. Maybe we should take the subway so that we can properly enjoy the wine when we get there."

"Absolutely not."

Outside, Tamaki's driver was waiting for them by the curb and Kyoya smiled a little. Tamaki had to have called him and must have been teasing about the subway ride—though it was just as easy to believe that he wanted to take it. It was bad enough that they were going to Ueno for dinner rather than staying in the relative comfort and luxury of Shibuya, but Kyoya had long ago decided that there was little merit in arguing with Tamaki over every little thing. And there just wasn't enough time in the day.

The car merged into traffic and Kyoya sat back, taking out his laptop and turning on his wireless connection. Tamaki leaned an elbow against the car door and propped his chin up on a curled fist, but he turned his face towards Kyoya. Keeping his eyes trained on his computer screen, Kyoya tried to get a little work done before Tamaki started in on him again.

"That girl I was talking to was cute," Tamaki remarked. "She was hanging around behind your chair when you weren't looking. I think maybe she has a little crush on Mr. Vice-President."

"We're not in the Host Club anymore," Kyoya said, deliberately not looking at him. "I don't have to pander to every woman who decides that I might be a good choice for a date."

"It's not about pandering. Aren't you ever lonely? Don't you ever just want to have that one special woman who you can hold close and love?"

Kyoya turned his head and lasered a look at Tamaki.

"No."

Tamaki's blue eyes widened a fraction at the vehemency of his answer, but then he chuckled.

"I suppose your laptop is warm, too."

"It is. Just because you and Haruhi are happily married doesn't mean that the rest of us are necessarily destined for that...fate."

Tamaki sighed dreamily and Kyoya turned back to his work. One way to distract the former King was to remind him of his dear little wife, who was probably hard at work at her own desk. Haruhi was just as close to reaching her goals as Kyoya was, for she was graduating from law school in a month's time. Tamaki had already planned a huge celebration for her and they would be going off to the Philippines for a beach vacation before she started work at one of the most prestigious corporate law firms in Tokyo. Their clients included Haninozuka Holdings and the House of Hitachiin—the Otori and Suo Groups had their own formidable team of in-house lawyers. Besides, Kyoya was sure that when the time was right, Haruhi would be taking charge of the Suo Group's men in black since she did have a personal stake in the Suo Group's financial success.

Kyoya wondered if whatever was distracting Tamaki had something to do with Haruhi's new job. She would be working long hours and would no longer be able to spend as much time with Tamaki as he would like, but Kyoya knew that Tamaki wouldn't complain too much about that. Not if it meant Haruhi would be getting what she wanted.

They reached the restaurant and Kyoya eyed the small establishment with mild distaste, the string of lights bordering the large front window twinkling at him in a pale imitation of proper decoration. It was just like Tamaki to find some commoner watering hole, and claim it to be 'cozy' and 'a journey into an exotic and new culture for their palates'. They entered and an elderly man came up to greet them, bowing enthusiastically at the sight of Tamaki. Kyoya watched silently as they exchanged pleasantries in a mixture of French and Japanese, Tamaki patting the man's shoulder a few times. They wound their way through the cramped floor to a table by the window and the twinkling lights that had caught Kyoya's attention.

Sighing as he sat down on the hard wooden chair, Kyoya studied the laminated menu archly as Tamaki ordered a bottle of red wine. The meal would cost them less than the coffee he drank in the morning, but Kyoya would allow Tamaki to pay. It was his idea to come here after all.

"Their food is the best I've ever tasted, Kyoya," Tamaki said exuberantly.

"Better than the last French restaurant you claimed was the best you'd ever tasted?"

"Yes!"

Their wine came and to Kyoya's approval, the old man allowed Tamaki to taste the wine first and waited for his approval before pouring their glasses. This place wasn't completely without civility. They ordered their meals before settling back in their seats and toasting to nothing in particular.

"I'm sorry about pulling you out from work so abruptly," Tamaki said as he put down his wine glass. "But knowing you, you had the deal wrapped up before this morning anyway, so I figured it wouldn't have been too much of a bother to pick you up."

"I like to see things through to the end."

"Hm."

When Tamaki took to studying the view outside them, Kyoya blew out a frustrated breath. He took another sip of the surprisingly tasty wine and narrowed his eyes at his friend. He could wait until Tamaki was ready to lay it out for him, but he had other things to do. Better get this out of the way before dinner so his food wouldn't go cold while he tried to talk Tamaki out of whatever harebrained scheme had him this distracted.

"What's on your mind, Tamaki? Are you having trouble at work again? More hidden traps by your grandmother?"

"No, no," Tamaki said, not looking at him. "Haruhi's...pregnant."

Kyoya couldn't help smiling, but that smile faded when he saw that Tamaki did not share in his sentiments.

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked carefully.

Tamaki smiled in a way that made Kyoya's heart clench with an emotion he'd rather not name, and he took a sip of wine to regain his composure.

"No," Tamaki answered softly. "Nothing could make me happier than to hold our child. It's just that Haruhi hasn't reached her dream yet. She's finally finished law school and she's following in her mother's footsteps. She can't do that with a child, Kyoya."

"It's the 21st century, Tamaki. There are ways in which a woman can work and raise a family at the same time, especially with your means."

"But...it's Haruhi."

"Ah."

The two men exchanged a knowing look. It was true that Haruhi wouldn't leave her child's upbringing to a team of nannies, and if it meant sacrificing her career, she would. But Kyoya also knew that first, she would try to find a way to make it both work. Looking at Tamaki, it was clear that he didn't think that was possible.

"What does she have to say about all this?" Kyoya inquired.

Tamaki flushed. Kyoya frowned at him.

"Well...she doesn't really know yet," Tamaki muttered meekly.

For once, Kyoya was speechless. He'd been about to take another sip of wine but the glass hung halfway to his mouth as he stared at his idiot friend.

"How...?" he started.

"I know my wife, Kyoya. She's been different lately, and I noticed she was gaining a little weight..."

"As well as picking fights with you?" Kyoya said, remembering Tamaki trying to appease an angry Haruhi as she screamed at him for forgetting to use a coaster.

"And that. I wanted to take her to the doctor, but she refused to go..."

"So you had tests run on her when she wasn't looking."

Tamaki smiled sheepishly, tapping the tips of his index fingers together nervously.

"Yeah. She sleeps like the dead so it was easy. I heard from the doctor today about her test results."

"When are you going to tell her?"

"I might just let her find out on her own. See what she does."

"It might better if she heard from you."

Tamaki looked at him thoughtfully.

"Oh? Why?"

"Because when she starts to panic, you can be there to hold her hand."

Tamaki toyed with the stem of his wine glass, twirling it between his fingers. Kyoya watched him silently.

"You're afraid of what she'll say," Kyoya said, voicing the thoughts that Tamaki probably wasn't even aware of himself. "You want her to be happy and you're afraid that she won't be."

Kyoya leaned back in his seat.

"Somehow I doubt that," he continued. "She did marry you, after all. She's prone to do things we don't expect from her."

"Thanks a lot."

"It might have been a little ahead of schedule, but a little spawn of yours was in the plans anyway," Kyoya reasoned. "Haruhi isn't so cold and focused on her goals that she wouldn't be happy about this. Marrying you was a challenge she took despite the inherent difficulties of being in law school, but she took it—and you—on happily. It might be difficult to start a high-pressure job while pregnant, but the hormonal changes might actually do her some good, make her more terrifying at the negotiation table."

"If anyone can do it, she can," Tamaki murmured thoughtfully.

"Exactly."

"How is it that you know her better than I do?" Tamaki asked, his gaze too knowing as he looked at Kyoya.

"It's not that. I can just think clearer than you can," was the cool, practiced, and honest response. "If you'd just stop talking for a few minutes, it would have come to you."

Tamaki laughed. He'd probably been worrying all day, but all it took was a few simple words from his most trusted friend and he was back to normal. That was why Kyoya would always have time for him; no one else, not even the people whose livelihoods depended on him, trusted him that implicitly. That was why he would do anything to keep this man happy even if it meant sacrificing a bit of his own to do it.

"Just promise me you won't name it Kyoya," he added.

"Anything you want, my oldest and dearest friend. I was thinking of something romantic, like Aura or Simone if it's a girl, and Simon or Francois if it's a boy. Haruhi will probably want to name the baby something common like Daisuke or Keiko, and that'll be alright too, as long as his or her nickname is something that sounds musical. A name goes a long way, and I would never saddle my child with something that's reminiscent of a honking horn or a sneeze."

Kyoya hid his smile behind his glass. Tamaki was rambling, which meant that he'd moved on to his next train of thought. He pitied Haruhi, who would have to deal with a gleeful, drunken would-be father. Drunken because like any good friend, Kyoya would help him celebrate properly—but they would have to find a more appropriate location for the rest of their celebration. He wondered if the twins, Hunny, and Mori were busy...regardless, he'd drag them out anyway the same was he was dragged out.

"Congratulations, Tamaki," he said, raising his glass.

Tamaki picked up his glass and tapped it against his friend's. His eyes glittered with excitement, and he looked fit to burst. The last time Kyoya had seen him like that, it had been on his wedding day, and the twins plus Mori had to hold him back from running towards Haruhi when she'd appeared in her white gown. Kyoya silently prayed that the child would take after her.

"Thank you, Kyoya. I'll have to start calling Haruhi mommy now, so I hope you don't mind. She _is _the love of my life. You're my best friend, but since she's the mother of my child, I might have to make a few adjustments."

"I'll be more than happy to let her take the title."

"Excellent. I knew I could count on you. Will you help me decorate the nursery? I was thinking that maybe it should be in a pale green, so that it'll work if the baby is a boy _or _a girl..."

----


	3. One In Which Kyoya Hugs A Small Child

**The One In Which Kyoya Hugs Small Children **

If an inquiring mind were to interview a sample group of the employees of Otori Medical Corporation and asked them if they believed their boss had an ego, nine out of ten of them would answer yes. The remaining ten percent would not have answered at all due to a simple case of abject fear.

Kyoya knew he had an ego. As far as he was concerned, he had every right to have one; 'ego' was just a negative word for 'confidence'. If others chose to identify him as egotistical, he wouldn't argue with them for he was a self-named egoist. It was just that these days, he preferred to color himself in lighter shades of black as to not scare away potential business partners and clients—better to intimidate them _after _they'd signed on the dotted line.

While his confidence helped him stand up among and against the masters of industry around the world, it did have its down side. Perhaps in those cases, it should then be referred to as his ego. This ego tended to get him in situations that he did not welcome. For example, those in which a precocious five year old girl sits on his lap, uninvited no less, and slams her hands on his keyboard, effectively disrupting and destroying his work.

In the back of his mind, Kyoya cursed the twins' parents for consummating their marriage on that particular day to have resulted in bringing their demon offspring into the world. They had volunteered to babysit Tamaki's own spawn, but at the last minute had to run off on some "fashion emergency". Kyoya couldn't imagine what that constituted, but it certainly could not have been so serious as to have them running off and leaving their charge in his care.

"Kyoya," they'd said, torturing him in stereo. "She's just a little kid. You managed to wipe out your biggest competitor in Korea in less than a week, so taking care of a five year old will be easy—even though she's a chibi-Tono."

"I'm busy," Kyoya had stated icily, ignoring the sparkling hazel eyes of his niece.

"She's not a lot of trouble. Just put her in front of the TV or show her something shiny," Hikaru had remarked, smiling mischievously.

"Don't tell us you're intimidated by such a tiny little _angel_?" Kaoru had said innocently, kneeling down and putting his arms around the equally innocent-looking child. "It'll only be for three hours and then Tono will be able to pick her up."

If his staff hadn't been in the room at the time, their eyes and ears taking it all in, Kyoya would have thrown them all out, including the child, without a second thought. However, the twins had known what they were doing and what they were saying; they had effectively thrown down the gauntlet and he had no choice but to accept the challenge.

So that was why Satoko Suo, the apple of Tamaki's eye and right now, the bane of Kyoya's existence, was disrupting her uncle's perfectly scheduled workday. Dressed in a frilly, pink, layered abomination that had the twins' fingerprints all over it, she was a spot of color in the center of his steel and glass throne of power. She might have looked perfectly appropriate on top of a cake, but she was _not_ making him look good.

"Please stop that," Kyoya said evenly, carefully putting her hands away from the keyboard. "Why don't you go back to watching TV?"

"Nothing on!" Satoko exclaimed, surprising him yet again by proving that a person's size isn't necessarily proportioned to his or her voice. "And I wanna play with you, Uncle Kyoya!"

"I can't play. I'm in the process of outbidding a German conglomerate."

"But Uncle Hikaru said that all you do is play computer games all day."

"He's an idiot," Kyoya said before he could think better of it.

"I thought Daddy was an idiot."

Kyoya pushed his glasses up and collected his thoughts.

"There is no limit to how many idiots there are in the world, Satoko. For the record, I do not play computer games all day," he said as patiently as he could. "I work and right now, I can't work while you're talking to me."

"Daddy says you work too hard," she said, swinging her legs and smashing her heel into his shin as she did.

Wincing, Kyoya picked her up off his lap and put her on the ground. It seemed there was no reasoning with her, so he had to find other means with which to distract her without ruining his reputation in the process. He stood when it looked as though she was preparing to scramble back up into his lap.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered, hopping from one foot to the other. "All Uncle Kaoru gave me to eat was chocolate and ice cream."

Kyoya imagined Kaoru's head going through a wall, but found it did not make him feel better. He looked down at the bouncing girl, wondering if she could tire herself out if he left her alone long enough. She grinned up at him, and he could see Tamaki peeking out at him, answering his question. He'd never actually seen Tamaki sleep, and with everything else that idiot had passed down to his daughter, Kyoya was sure boundless energy was part of the package.

"What would you like to eat?" he inquired, holding out a hand for her to take, deciding that it would be safer to anchor her to himself rather than have her run free and break something—or herself.

She slid a sticky palm into his and wobbled his arm to and fro as she skipped next to him.

"Hamburgers! MacDonalds!"

"Are you sure?" he said disapprovingly. "That kind of food, if it can even be called that, is not recommended for children your age who are still growing."

"Yes!"

Sighing, Kyoya led her out to the elevators, aware that his team of assistants were sighing as well, but over a different matter entirely. He pointedly ignored them, but Satoko started to lag behind, getting distracted by various plants and pottery on the short walk to the elevator, so for efficiency's sake, he picked her up.

The collective sigh that went up followed them into the elevator.

"Oops."

Kyoya slid a sideways glance at Satoko.

"What's wrong?"

"I got chocolate on your jacket. Sorry, Uncle Kyoya!"

Kyoya craned his neck and saw two perfect chocolate fingerprints on his brand new Italian wool pinstriped suit jacket. Before he could even blink, he already knew how much he was going to bill the Hitachiins, including interest and an additional fee for emotional distress. It was too late to change, but it wasn't as if they were going anywhere that required him to wear a proper attire.

His driver was waiting for them outside the building and Kyoya deposited Satoko inside the car before shrugging out of his jacket. He sat down next to her, or rather near her, as she had her face pressed up against the opposite window.

"Sit down please," he said.

"Where would you like to go, Mr. Otori?" the driver asked.

"The nearest MacDonalds."

The driver's silence was thick with discomfort and disbelief. Kyoya had held on to his temper up until this point, but there was only so much a man could take.

"_Now_," Kyoya said, irritably.

"Y-yes, sir."

Kyoya had just settled into his seat, when the car stopped again. He glared at the back of the driver's head and started to open his mouth to berate him, when Satoko bounded across the seat and jumped on his lap. Again.

"We're here!"

Turning his head, Kyoya was met with the sight of a giant smiling clown. He glared at that as well. He'd been working in the same office for nearly six years, and he hadn't even noticed that there was a MacDonalds right next to it; that spoke volumes about how he felt about this particular establishment.

"Let's go," he said curtly, opening the door with one hand and taking Satoko's hand with the other.

It was his worst nightmare. Small children and their mothers were everywhere. Screaming. Laughing. Spilling their food. He was sure he had smashed French fries on the soles of his handmade loafers. The last time he'd been in one of these places, Satoko's mother had had to order for him and he'd gotten a stomachache from what he'd been forced to eat.

In shock, he let Satoko drag him to the register. She could barely clear the counter, but she ordered with the ease of a professional before looking up at him expectantly.

"What do you wanna eat, Uncle Kyoya?"

Letting out a breath, Kyoya glanced up at the garishly lit menu.

"A chicken burger set, please," he said.

Kyoya paid and started to go, but Satoko grabbed at his pristine white shirt, untucking it and leaving more chocolate fingerprints on his clothes.

"We have to wait for it," she told him matter-of-factly.

"Of course. With their prices, they can't afford to have proper waiters to serve their patrons."

Satoko blinked up at him.

When their food came, he picked up the tray and looked around for a free table, but Satoko was already running off. To his dismay, she sat down at a table next to three mothers and their children. Kyoya nodded at them when they turned to stare at him, first with curiosity, then with that familiar sparkly stare that generally got him what he wanted when it came to women.

Ignoring them, he laid out Satoko's food on a napkin he'd spread out because there was no telling what kind of germs were crawling on the tabletop. She may already have various other bacteria on her exterior thanks to her other, more careless uncles, but he wasn't going to be responsible for adding more to her interior as well. She was still kicking her feet, and made contact with his leg once or twice as she did, but she happily dived into her food with the same kind of gusto he'd seen Tamaki attack a bowl of ramen. Kyoya followed suit, eating his meal quickly so that he wouldn't have to taste it.

"Uncle Kyoya?"

"Yes."

"How come you're not married?" she asked.

"I choose not to be," he replied without hesitation.

"But you're so pretty."

"Thank you, but that's not a reason for anyone to get married. Remember that when you're older."

"Uncle Hikaru says it's cause deep down you love Daddy."

Kyoya blanched.

"While your father and I have maintained a close relationship throughout the years, I assure you that I do not have any designs on him that go beyond our friendship," he said reasonably.

Satoko stared at him like she would an interesting looking bug.

"What did I say about Uncle Hikaru earlier?" he prompted, taking the easier route.

"That he's an idiot."

"That's right. You're already sounding smarter than he is and you're only five. Don't believe everything he says."

"I know," Satoko said easily. "Mommy says the only person I should listen to is her."

Kyoya smiled.

"That's true."

"I think I should listen to you too," she said, kicking his knee.

"Oh? Why?"

"Because you wear glasses."

Kyoya was spared a response to that statement when his cup of soda was knocked over by a screaming, running monster, and then could only watch helplessly as it proceeded to spill all over his lunch date. Satoko turned red as she stared at the stain on her new dress. Interested, Kyoya watched her response, guessing that she was about to start yelling profanities at the little boy who was now at the other side of the room.

To his disappointment, she began to cry instead. And loudly.

"Stop," he said mildly. "It's just a little soda."

"But I'm all _weeeeeet_."

"You'll be dry soon enough. Crying won't make it better."

She didn't seem to agree with his logic and her crying got louder. Feeling out of sorts, Kyoya picked up the stack of napkins he'd had the foresight to gather and dabbed at her dress. He made a mental note not to order melon soda again as a green tinge was decidedly fixed on Satoko's formerly pink and white dress.

"My _dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess_."

"It will be clean after it's dry cleaned," he said, struggling to be heard over her screams. "Stop crying."

"But Uncle _Kyoyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_, he ruined my _dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess_."

They were most definitely making a scene and the last thing Kyoya needed was a report going back to his family—or worse, the twins—that he'd lost control of his niece at a MacDonalds. In a move that would have impressed Mori, he stood and gathered Satoko up, carrying her to the door. His driver was nowhere to be seen, and he started to reach for his phone, but Satoko distracted him by bawling into his neck. Kyoya patted her back, very aware that his shirt was now as wet as her dress, and that he was standing in the middle of a busy, Tokyo sidewalk outside a MacDonalds with a crying child in his arms. Not knowing what else to do, he started to walk back to the building, or at least the general direction of it. He could barely move his head to look for his ivory tower because of the stranglehold Satoko had on him.

"It'll be alright," he said wearily. "You'll be alright. I'll find that boy who ruined your dress and I'm going to make sure his family is enslaved to yours for generations."

She sniffled and lifted her head to look at him.

"You promise?" she asked.

"I promise," he said, meaning it.

And just like that, she was done. Pressing her sticky cheek against his and dislodging his glasses as she did, she smiled.

"You're my favorite!" she exclaimed.

Kyoya would be lying to himself if he didn't consider that to be an ego boost. He patted her back and she loosened her hold on him. They continued down the street and to Kyoya's relief, were soon in sight of Otori Headquarters. To his even greater relief, there was a familiar car parked at the curb by the entrance.

"_KYOYA_! _SATOKO!_"

Tamaki bounded towards them and had his daughter in his arms before Kyoya could even blink. He watched bemusedly as Tamaki got down on one knee so that he could wipe Satoko's face and hands with a handkerchief, straighten her dress, and smooth down her hair. All the while, he was listening to her excited chatter about her day with her new favorite uncle—the last one had been Hunny and their memorable trip to the sweet shop. Tamaki beamed at Kyoya and pulled him into a hug that Satoko was more than happy to take part in, her arms around his knees.

"Favorite uncle! You hear that, Kyoya?"

"How could I not have? I think that wherever Hunny is, he heard it as well."

"Can I come back to visit again, Uncle Kyoya?" Satoko asked, grabbing at his pant leg with the hand Tamaki hadn't yet wiped down.  
"Of course you can!" Tamaki answered for him when his voice didn't seem to want to work. "You're coming over for dinner, Kyoya. We owe you that much. Haruhi said I could pick up some take-out. You can choose since you're the hero for today. I should have known better than to trust those monstrous dopplegangers with my most precious daughter. From now on, you'll be the one I'll turn to first if my dear Satoko is in need of a tertiary caregiver!"

Kyoya stared mutely at him, exhausted. He pushed his glasses up even though they were perfectly situated on his face, and was certain that they were the _only _things perfectly situated anywhere right now. Tamaki then paused and seemed to notice that his friend was a little worse for wear. Kyoya glanced down at himself, mentally calculating the final bill he would present to the Hitachiins for his ruined shirt, suit, tie, and dignity.

"It's okay," Satoko said, shimmying out of her father's arms, and she took Kyoya's hand. "We match, and you're gonna make that idiot boy my slave anyway, right?"

"_Satoko_!" Tamaki cried, incensed. "Why would you say something like that?"

The little girl looked up at Kyoya and if he didn't know better, she just did a fairly good impression of his most innocent smile.

Despite himself, Kyoya returned it. But he would rather be covered in green soda again before he'd even admit that she'd managed to make him feel better with her simple childish words. There was only so much his ego could take, after all.

-fin-


	4. The Worst Babysitter Imaginable

**The Worst Babysitter Imaginable**

Kyoya put his hands in his pockets and stared down at the light-haired, hazel-eyed baby who was staring right back at him. The child didn't seem to realize that drool was starting to drip from her chin to the tatami mat she was sitting on, nor was she aware that the length of time she was spending staring at him had reached the point of impoliteness. She didn't seem to know what to make of him and he had to admit that the feeling was mutual.

"Tamaki," Kyoya said coolly. "Your daughter is leaking."


	5. RightSide Up

**Right-side Up**

Tamaki stood outside Kyoya's door, his hand raised as if ready to knock, but he was distracted by sound of his friend's raised voice. He hadn't heard Kyoya curse like that in a long time, and he'd erased from his memory what had happened to the person who'd caused Kyoya to lose his temper in that manner. 

He was also very aware that he was one of the few that Kyoya lets live in peace, despite his ability to make his normally very cool friend threaten to kill him at least once a week. Which meant, he had to step lightly here, or else...

The door flew open and Tamaki's eyes widened.

"Kyoya!"

"Tamaki," Kyoya growled, glaring at him. "What the hell are you doing here? I'm just on my way out."

"Uh...you...um..."

"_Spit it out_."

"You're supposed to..."

"Help you buy a birthday present for Haruhi," Kyoya sighed, pressing two fingers to his temple. "Right. I forgot. Let's go then."

"If you're busy, we can go another time," Tamaki said meekly.

"Do I _look _busy to you?"

Tamaki didn't even want to think about what he thought Kyoya looked like. He had the feeling that Kyoya would then read his mind and shoot a laser beam with his eyes right through his victim's still-beating heart. That was not how Tamaki wanted to end this day.

Slinging an arm around his friend's shoulders, Tamaki pasted a wide, sparkling smile on his face and beamed it at him. Kyoya's eyes narrowed behind his glasses, and he regarded Tamaki like he would an annoying insect buzzing around his head.

"You look absolutely ready to tackle this challenge," Tamaki observed cheerfully. "What to get for the woman who has everything she wants? I wish I hadn't been so enthusiastic for the last few years, or had listened so attentively to her every word, because you know what's happened, Kyoya?"

When Kyoya didn't venture a guess, Tamaki powered forward as they walked towards his waiting car.

"Any item or dish that's captured my dear wife's attention is already in her possession!" he cried. "Any vacation or sightseeing tour she's ever wished for, she's already experienced. On top of which, anything _else _that remotely resembles anything to her taste, I've also procured for her. So really, we've got an formidable quest before us today, my dearest friend. Are you up for it?"

Without acknowledging anything Tamaki said, Kyoya climbed into the car.

"You're up for it!" Tamaki crowed, answering for him before getting in as well.

When a familiar beeping sound cut through the air, Tamaki braced himself. Scowling at nothing in particular, Kyoya pulled out his cell phone to read the email he'd just received. He swore savagely under his breath at what he saw there, causing even Tamaki's driver to glance back at him.

"Trouble at work?" Tamaki asked carefully.

"Nothing I can't handle," Kyoya said through clenched teeth. "Don't worry about it. Worry about what to get the woman who has everything."

"Do you have any ideas?"

"She's not _my _wife."

"Last birthday, I gave her a romantic, tropical weekend in Fiji. If only she hadn't gotten sick from the crabs, it would have been perfect. I _must_ top that gift," Tamaki said determinedly.

"It won't be hard to best a gift that involved food poisoning," Kyoya remarked dryly.

"_Think_, Kyoya! You always have great ideas for presents! Remember when we got Hunny that pastry shop for his twenty-fifth birthday? He didn't expect it at all! And covering the building in shiny fabric and having him pull a giant red ribbon to reveal the shop was a stroke of genius that only you could have come up with. I don't know why people call you the Ice King, because inside, you're just as sensitive and sentimental as the next person."

"As long as the next person isn't you, I'll take that as a compliment," Kyoya said. "And who calls me the Ice King?"

"Nevermind that. Let's brainstorm for ideas."

"Buy Haruhi some stock of a department store or boutique so she can own her presents before you can even think of them. Consequently, the two of us would also save a lot of time that we would have otherwise spent on these...birthday quests."

"There is absolutely no sentimentality in that!" Tamaki protested.

"I'm not known for being sentimental," Kyoya remarked coolly.

"Yes, but you are very good at pretending to be," Tamaki argued, and then sighed. "At least, you are _usually_ very good at pretending to be. Kyoya, if you don't tell me what's wrong, this will be a wasted day. Who else can you reveal your innermost pain, your heaviest heartache, your deepest troubles, if not to your best friend?"

"If I were experiencing all those things, I would be more than happy to have you share in my misery, but fortunately, this is not nearly that important. A mere annoyance, that is all, concerning a former long-standing partner of my family's."

"What did they do?" Tamaki asked with the same interest he gave his favorite TV dramas.

A muscle jumped underneath Kyoya's eye. Tamaki crossed his arms over his chest protectively.

"If I answer this one last question, will you stop asking me about this? I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I swear on my daughter's life, I will stop asking questions," Tamaki intoned somberly.

"I didn't ask for something nearly that important, but that's fine.Apparently, they have decided to cut ties with the Otori Group and have signed a contract with one of our biggest rivals. If there is one thing I hate, it is fickle loyalties. To add insult to injury, I've already spent billions of yen preparing for the unveiling of our newest rehabilitation center—a center constructed with their aid, so it would be in poor form to rescind the invitation," Kyoya said angrily.

"'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much'," Tamaki quoted. "That's from Oscar Wilde, and such a prolific writer would only give sound advice. Go to the unveiling, be your usual charming self, and show them that the Otori Group can go on without them, that it is all water under the bridge. Your graciousness and your calm benevolence will shame them, and make them regret that they've left the warm, comforting shelter of the Otori family."

"Tamaki," Kyoya said carefully. "Of course, the Otori Group can go on without them. We're not a fledgling firm that is dependent on poorly managed corporations, and I will not arrive at an important event looking like a petulant child. But I also don't want to forgive them. I want _vengeance._"

Tamaki's eyes widened. Kyoya smiled humorlessly, reminding him of the shark he'd watched on TV, circling an injured seal.

"Don't you want to annoy them a little bit?" he tried.

"I want to _destroy them_."

Even though Tamaki was pushed up against the door in an instinctivel move to get away from danger, and the driver started driving a little faster to get them both out of the car, Kyoya seemed to brighten after saying that. He put his phone away and turned to face Tamaki with a less terrifying expression on his face. Others would probably still be on the edge because Kyoya was Kyoya, after all, but for Tamaki, it was as if the world was once again right-side up. Less-terrifying Kyoya was much more pleasant to be around than...he didn't dare put a name to that particular side of Kyoya. There was the constant threat of that laser beam to think about.

"Now, that aside, let's discuss your options," Kyoya said, taking out a pad and paper from his pocket. "To save time and to avoid wandering aimlessly, let's make a list of the presents you have given her. By process of elimination, you'll have your bothersome present."

"An absolutely brilliant idea, Kyoya!" Tamaki exclaimed. "I knew I could count on you! Even when your mind is preoccupied with matters of great importance to your family's livelihood, you still make the time for me. I knew you weren't a Selfish Prince of Darkness, like I've heard others say."

"Yes, great. Talk," Kyoya said, pen poised and ready to go. "And who calls me that?"

"Nevermind. Okay, let's see. The first birthday we spent together, I bought her a..."

-fin-


End file.
